Mike Stan Lee the Last
by Plainclothes cop
Summary: Sequel to "Do You Believe in Creeps?" Oliver gets a new girlfriend, besides Miley, who starts to get wise to the fact that Oliver is secretly Mike Stan Lee III! If this girl finds out the truth, Miley's cover could be blown! Moliver, plus a little Liley.
1. Exposing the Mikester

**In depth plot summary: **Being granted sexual freedom from Miley, Oliver manages to get another girlfriend besides Miley, who is a Hannah Montana fan. As Oliver's new girlfriend watches Hannah Montana and her posse on T.V., she starts to notice that Mike Stan Lee III looks and sounds an awful lot like Oliver! She then starts stalking and spying on Oliver. If this girl finds out that Oliver really _is _Mike Stan Lee III, she'll be one step towards finding out that Miley is Hannah Montana! Jordan Pruit guest stars.

**Disclaimer: The document you are about to read is a parody. The writer of the document is not associated with Hannah Montana or Disney channel in any way. Little or none of the content of this fanfic is from any episode of the show. Anyway, IT'S JUST A FANTASY!**

**Chapter 1: "Exposing the Mikester"**

Miley was walking in the hallway in between classes at school, along side Joanie. It was nice that Miley had some one else to talk to besides Lily and Oliver, and just to think Miley and Lily used to _hate _Joanie! "Seriously, Miley," said Joanie friendly. "I don't blame you for dating Oliver. Hell, I used to date him myself! Personally, I think he's exactly what he claims himself to be. He's smokin' Oakin'!"

Miley smiled. "I don't think _you_ know Oliver like _I _know Oliver" said Miley.

"Are you saying he's a dork?" asked Joanie.

"Yeah," said Miley. "But then again, that's exactly why I love him."

"Awwww!" said Joanie putting her hands over her heart.

Miley was surprised. "_Joanie?"_ said Miley.

"What?" said Joanie.

"I just heard you say 'awww'" said Miley.

"So?" said Joanie. "What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing," said Miley. "It's just...I always thought you were so insensitive. I have never heard anything like that come out of your mouth!"

"Hey!" said Joanie in a pouty tone. "Us bad girls need love too, ya' know!"

Miley wasn't sure what Joanie was thinking. "Are you being sarcastic?" asked Miley skeptically.

"Stop picking on me!" pouted Joanie.

Miley smiled and put her hand on Joanie's shoulder. "OK, Joanie," said Miley half gently. "I just wanted to be sure." With that, Miley and Joanie hugged. "How's this for love, Joanie?" said Miley during the hug.

"Well," said Joanie with a smile. "You may not be a guy, but I'll give you an eight."

"Awwww" purred Miley. When the hug parted, they were still holding onto each other. "Yeah," said Miley. "See now, if you said that to Lily, she'd probably try to kiss you!" Joanie laughed.

Miley and Joanie continued walking down the hall. "Anyway," said Joanie. "You may have seen a lot of Oliver's dorky side, but I think he's pretty good in social situations." At that moment, Miley and Joanie witnessed Oliver getting literally kicked in the butt by another guy! Oliver made a sissy squeak. A few other guys laughed as Oliver turned around and yelled at the guy who kicked him. Then the guy behind Oliver kicked him the same way! Oliver made another sissy squeak. Oliver confronted the other guy, then a third guy dumped a can of soda on him. Oliver was clearly out numbered.

Miley and Joanie's jaws dropped shockingly. "Joanie!" said Miley. "Do something!"

Joanie made a furious expression then approached the situation. Joanie grappled one of the guys who kicked Oliver, swung him around, and slammed him and pinned him up against the lockers. "You've got some attitude attacking someone you physically out class!" yelled Joanie. "You're upset about not making the fuckin' football team, so you're taking your anger out on Oliver! Is that the only thing that makes you feel like a big man? If I see you tormenting him again, I'll pull down your pants and tie your dic around your balls!" Miley was impressed. Joanie turned to the other two guys. "And as for the rest of you," yelled Joanie. "If I even _hear _about you tormenting Oliver, I'll dunk your heads in the toilet so long, you'll drown! And if you all decide to come after me at once, that'll only show what big wusses you are! You all have to team up to fight a girl!"

With that, the three guys scattered. Miley came up to Oliver with a concerned expression. "Are you OK, Ollie pop?" said Miley as she put her arms around Oliver and gave him a kiss on each cheek. Joanie hugged Oliver from behind.

"Oh yeah!" said Oliver as he returned Miley's hug. "I'm _definitely _OK now! Hoh!" Oliver's last word was said in a high pitched, blissful tone.

"I hope you're not embarrassed by a girl standing up for you, Oliver" said Joanie.

"Oh no," said Oliver. "My reaction to this..._Ollie pop sandwich,_ just shows that...I'm a lover, not a fighter."

The "Ollie pop sandwich" parted after a while. Just then, two different guys came up to Oliver, Miley, and Joanie. "You're such a pussy, Oliver" said one of the guys. "You get your ass kicked, and you're like..." the guy mimicked Oliver's sissy squeaking. The other guy laughed. "And you wonder why you were rejected by the entire girl's softball team!" said the same guy. "Even _they're _more manly than you!"

Joanie raised her fist as if she were about to punch the mean guy, but then Miley restrained her and said "No, Joanie! They're not stooping to the physical level. This is a battle Oliver has to fight himself."

"Besides," said the other guy. "You're probably _gay _anyway!"

"Now what the hell ever gave you _that _idea?" said Oliver angry but intimidated.

"Oh, I don't know," said the second guy. "Maybe because in the 7th grade you brought a _dildo_ to school?" The first guy laughed.

Oliver sighed angrily. "Look, that wasn't mine!" said Oliver. "Somebody else planted it on me!"

"Oh sure," said the first guy sarcastically. "I'll bet you shoved it up your ass in the bathroom!" The second guy laughed. With that, both guys walked away laughing.

"They sell those things in adult stores!" called Oliver to the guys in anger. "I wasn't even old enough to get into an adult store! Hell, I didn't even have a _car _at the time!" Oliver thought for a moment. "You know," said Oliver in a normal tone. "Come to think of it, I _still _don't have a car."

Just then, one more person came up to Oliver, Miley, and Joanie. This time, it was a girl, a pretty brunette girl with a partial tan and really smooth skin. "Oliver," said the girl. "I heard what those guys said to you."

Oliver made a sheepish expression with his hands up. "Uh, listen," said Oliver with a nervous laugh. "I don't know what they're talking about."

"Well, if it helps," said the girl in a tender, timid voice. "_I _believe you."

There was a brief pause, then the girl made a nervous smile and walked away. Joanie stepped in front of Oliver. "Ooooooo! Sounds like somebody else likes smokin' Oakin'!" said Joanie as she tugged on Oliver's jacket.

Oliver laughed timidly as he briefly glanced at Miley. "Joanie," said Oliver. "Just because she believes my story doesn't mean-..."

"It's OK, Oliver" interupted Miley. Oliver turned to Miley. "Our relationship is about not being tied down to one person," said Miley with a smile. "So I'm not going to get upset at you if you go after another girl."

"Really?" asked Oliver. Miley nodded. "I'm free?" said Oliver.

Miley put her arms around Oliver's neck. "You're free as long as you still spend time with your Miley muffin" said Miley romantically.

Oliver smiled and put his arms around Miley's waist. "It makes me really happy to hear you say that, Miley," said Oliver. "And don't you worry, Miley muffin, no matter what happens, you are one of the most important people in my life." Joanie suddenly pretended to cough several times. Oliver and Miley broke off their embrace as Oliver turned to Joanie. "Oh, Joanie," said Oliver. "Don't be jealous. It's not that I like Miley better, I've just liked her longer. Besides, you have an idea of what it's like to be with me!"

"But..." said Joanie in a pathetic voice. "We never made out..."

Miley burst into laughter. Oliver looked at Joanie shocked and offended. Oliver was embarrassed that Joanie said that in front of Miley. Miley wasn't a guy, but for her to know that Oliver didn't make out with Joanie, Oliver felt he lost a little dignity. Miley stopped laughing briefly, put her hand on Oliver's shoulder, and said "Not you, _her!"_ Miley went back to laughing. Oliver regained his composure when he realized Miley was laughing at _Joanie _for complaining about never having made out with Oliver!

Oliver closed in on Joanie. "Do you..._want _to make out?" flirted Oliver.

"THAT WOULD BE SO COOL!" yelled Joanie exited. "And then how about we go play football with the guys?"

Oliver put his hand in front of Joanie, looked away from her, and said "Never mind."

Oliver managed to ask out the girl who appeared to like him. Sure enough, she liked him! Her name was Megan, and she was definitely nicer than most of the people at Oliver's school. Oliver was on a date with Megan, walking down the beach. "Oliver," said Megan. "You were so quick to figure out that I like you! I admire that in a guy."

"Well," said Oliver. "You know what they say..." Oliver then started rapping.

_When ya' like someone_

_But you can't say_

_Give 'em lotsa' hints_

_And make their day!_

_You like them_

_But do they like you?_

_How do they find out?_

_I'll tell ya' what they do_

_They read minds_

_Read minds_

_Read minds_

_Read minds_

_Read minds_

_Read minds_

_Say what? Say what?_

_Say freaky freaky_

_Fresh word!_

Megan laughed a while. "You're very entertaining, Oliver" said Megan. "But I don't like a guy just because he can rap, because I personally think that's kind of shallow."

Oliver's expression turned sensitive. "Oh no!" said Oliver frantically. "You think I'm shallow? Do you think I asked you out just because you have perfect skin?" Oliver turned his back to Megan. "I knew it," said Oliver. "You must think I'm the most insensitive person in the world."

Megan put one arm around Oliver with both her hands on his shoulders. "Actually," said Megan with a smile. "I'm even _more _charmed by what you just said. Not to mention the way you said it."

Oliver turned his head to Megan with a weak smile. "You mean...you like me showing signs of weakness?" said Oliver. "And being a dork?" Oliver turned his front to Megan.

Megan put her hands on her hips. "You think you're a dork, huh?" said Megan nodding her head with a smile. There was a brief pause. Megan put her hands on the sides of Oliver's face and rubbed her hands back and forth a few times. "_I love you, you cute, snuggly wuggly, little dorky worky poo!"_ said Megan in baby talk. Oliver started laughing blissfully as Megan began to touch him in more romantic ways. She brushed her index finger down his nose a few times, rubbed his head, tugged on the sides of his collar back and forth, scratched him under the chin, then kissed her own finger tips and pressed them against Oliver's face. It all happened so fast!

Just when Oliver thought he couldn't take any more, he held his hands up in front of Megan to gesture for her to stop. "Whatever you do, don't tickle me" said Oliver.

"_Why not?" _said Megan flirtatiously.

"Well, not in front of all these people" said Oliver. "No one likes a giggly guy."

"_I do" _flirted Megan. Oliver blushed.

Later that day, it was raining, and Megan had driven Oliver all the way to her house. They got out of Megan's car, both standing underneath an umbrella that Megan had brought, and walked up to the front door. "Megan," said Oliver. "Do you really think it's a good idea for you to bring me to your home? Aren't you worried about your parents?"

"Oh, just my dad," said Megan as she closed the umbrella. "But he's at work right now. He's working an extra shift because one of his co workers got hit by an ice cream truck!"

Oliver was surprised. "How did _that _happen?" asked Oliver.

Megan inserted her key into the lock and looked back at Oliver. "Grand theft auto, don'tcha' know" said Megan. Megan turned the key, took it out, and opened the door. "After all, this _is _L.A." said Megan. Megan and Oliver went inside. The front door led straight to the living room. "OK, Oliver," said Megan. "They main reason why I brought you home is so that I can both watch my favorite show and go on a date with you."

"So..." said Oliver. "T.V. is my competition?" Oliver looked to the side. "_Damn, _I'm pathetic!"

Megan grabbed Oliver's chin and pulled his head towards her. "But it's so much more special if we get to watch it _together!" _flirted Megan in baby talk as she ran her finger down Oliver's nose a few times. Oliver giggled.

"I'm a little afraid to ask what your favorite show is" said Oliver. "What is it, 'The Real World'? 'Wild Boys'? 'Jakass'?" Megan turned on the T.V., changed the channel, and Oliver was surprised to see Hannah Montana singing "Life's What You Make it"! "Oooohhhhh!" said Oliver feeling relieved. "You watch MTV2! Not MTV1! I was way off!"

"Yep!" said Megan. "It's the best source of alternative music and alternative blissful entertainment!"

There was a brief pause as the song continued. "So," said Oliver. "You're a Hannah Montana fan!"

"Yeah," said Megan. "I totally have a girl crush on her!"

Oliver made a grim look, hesitated, then forced himself to say "WOOOOOO! YOU GO GIRL!" Oliver gave Megan a high five. When Megan returned her attention to the T.V., Oliver thought to himself, _Uh oh..._ That kind of worried Oliver. If Megan had a girl crush on Hannah Montana, who Oliver actually knew personally (_very _personally), since Oliver was now dating Megan, he was afraid that may endanger Miley's secret.

The show they were watching was a reality show, a documentary about Hannah Montana behind the scenes, which was a show Oliver, as Mike Stan Lee III, had been on many times. The concert on the T.V. ended, then the next thing it showed was Hannah Montana dancing on a bed, barefoot, in her underwear. She was singing "Life's What You Make it" a little less lively. "OH!" Megan exclaimed in a high pitched tone. "She's in her underwear!" With that, Megan started laughing. Oliver laughed along with her.

"Yeah!" said Oliver. "And she's got such sexy feet, doesn't she?"

On the T.V., Lola Luftnangle suddenly came into the room. She was wearing as skimpy pink top, pink pants, sandals, and her hair was died orange. "Wow," said Lola on the T.V. "You look like you're having fun. Can I join in?"

"Sure!" said Hannah. "Just take off your sandals and hop on!" Megan and Oliver laughed. Lola took off her sandals and hopped onto the bed, standing on it. "You're forgetting one thing, Lola," said Hannah.

"What's that?" asked Lola. Hannah quickly pulled Lola's pants down! Lola made a brief, goofy shriek. Megan and Oliver laughed. Lola giggled and slipped out of her pants, leaving her in nothing but her casual top and panties. Hannah and Lola then joined hands and started moving their arms back and forth while moving their feet. Then they both started singing.

"_Oeemaah_

_Oeemaah_

_Oeemaah_

_Oeemaah_

_Oeemaah_

_Oeemaah_

_In the jungle_

_The mighty jungle_

_The lion sleeps tonight"_

Megan and Oliver laughed quite a bit as Hannah and Lola sung and danced in a sexy, provocative way.

"See, Oliver," said Megan as she stopped laughing briefly. "Don't you think this is how real girls are supposed to act? Not just in real life, but also on T.V.!"

"Definitely!" said Oliver. "That's what makes female celebrities so lovable!"

Soon, on the T.V., Mike Stan Lee came into the room. Hannah and Lola stopped singing and dancing. "Oh," said Hannah. "Hey there, Mikey!" Mike then started rapping.

"_So you're havin' a private partay'_

_But now I'm getting' all smartay'_

_'Cuz' I was just with mah' friend Martay'_

_And I caught you actin' all tartay!"_

"Tartay'!" said Hannah followed by laughter. All three people on the T.V. were laughing a bit as Megan and Oliver laughed as well.

On the T.V., Mike added one last part to the rap.

"_Say what? Say what?_

_Say freaky freaky_

_Fresh word!"_

This time, Megan didn't laugh. Instead, she stared at the T.V. in shock. Then she stared at Oliver in shock, with a hint of skeptisism. Oliver started to get nervous. Megan looked at Oliver long and hard. She ran her hand down the side of his face, then did the same thing with her other hand on the other side of his face. Megan turned her head in different positions as if she were trying to look at Oliver from different angles. She ran her fingers slowly through Oliver's hair. Uh oh, this was bad. Oliver knew Megan sensed there was something very familiar about Mike Stan Lee III. Now she was examining Oliver as if she were trying to figure out who he was. Megan looked at Oliver the same way Lois Lane would look at Clark Kent! "Uh, heh heh..." said Oliver sheepishly. "You know what the most clever thing about that is? He really _does _have a friend named Marty!"

Megan's skeptical expression vanished as it turned flirty. "Hey, Oliver," said Megan. "You know how on the beach you told me not to tickle you in front of all those people?"

"Yeah, why?" said Oliver nervously.

"_We're alone now..."_ flirted Megan.

"Oh no..." said Oliver playfully. "Oh no no no no no no..." With that, Megan started tickling Oliver, and Oliver started giggling in a sissy tone.

**A/N: For those of you who don't understand Mike Stan Lee's rap, back in ancient times, "tart" was another word for "slut."**

The next day, Oliver was taking a shower. There was a window right on his bath tub wall. Little did Oliver know that someone was watching him. Outside, in the back yard, just behind some bushes, there was...Megan. She had a pair of binoculars that she was using to peer into the window right where Oliver was showering! "Oh!" complained Megan. "I can't get a good enough view! This would be much easier if I were spying on a girl!" She could only see the upper half of Oliver's body. Megan watched a little. "But it's sexy nonetheless..." said Megan provocatively. With that, she slid her hand into her pants and started rubbing herself.

The day after that, Oliver and Megan were at a spring festival in the park. There were a lot of people eating at picnic tables. There were a bunch of chefs and vendors giving out a lot of food. There were a couple of people playing with firecrackers. There was also a clown, a man on stilts, and a person dressed as a crocodile. It was a bright, sunny day. Oliver and Megan were sitting at a table together, with no one else. Oliver was putting together a sandwich, and somehow, he was enjoying putting it together. "Turkey," said Oliver in a somewhat macho voice. "Ham, lettuce, and mustard! YEAH!" Megan looked at him as if she didn't know what to say. Oliver looked back at her. "I'm a guy, it's food, do the math!"

Megan laughed. "That's what I love about you, Oliver," said Megan. "You're sensitive, but you have a tough side too, and it's charming!"

"Well, at least _somebody _finds it charming!" said Oliver. "Because Miley and Lily sure as hell don't."

Oliver and Megan took some time to eat their food. "Oliver, be honest with me," said Megan. "You're friends with Miley Stewart and Lily Truscot. Are you dating either of them?"

"Oh, no way, we're just friends" lied Oliver. "They've always thought I was kind of a..._dork_."

"But do _you _like _them _in that way?" asked Megan.

"Not really," lied Oliver. "They've done some pretty embarrassing things in front of me. The feeling is mutual." Oliver and Megan took some time to eat their food. "Pretty much all the times I've tried to charm the girls in the past," said Oliver a little sensitively. "Either they were turned off, or I made an ass out of myself. I mean, ya' try to be cool, and it blows up in your face."

Megan smiled. "Let me tell you something, Oliver," said Megan flirtatiously. "You don't have to act cool around me." Oliver sighed blissfully and put his hand on the table. Megan put her hand on top of Oliver's. They looked into each others eyes. Oliver loved what he saw. The prettiest face he saw since he dated Miley and Lily. Megan started to lean across the table, Oliver did the same, then..._THEY KISSED!_ The kiss lasted about 12 seconds.

"Was that your idea or my idea?" asked Oliver with a smile after the kiss parted.

"_I'm not sure"_ flirted Megan. "Maybe we were both thinking the same thing!" They both laughed.

Oliver then picked up a bottle of ketchup and squeezed it over his sandwich, but no ketchup came out. He squeezed it harder, no ketchup came out. "Argh!" grunted Oliver as he hit the bottle's bottom. Still, nothing came out. Oliver then raised the top of the bottle above his eyes, then, it blasted out at him! "Aagghh! Aagghh!" screamed Oliver in a sissy tone. "Ketchup in my eyes! Ketchup in my eyes!" Megan made a disgusted look. Oliver felt around for a napkin, then wiped his eyes with it.

When Oliver got all the ketchup out of his eyes, Megan was looking at him disgustedly. "Why did you hold it above your eyes?" criticized Megan. "That was a dumb thing to do!"

"_What?" _said Oliver. "I thought you said I didn't have to act cool around you!"

"Yeah, but I didn't think you would do something that stupid!" said Megan.

"_Stupid?"_ said Oliver feeling hurt. "Oh god, Megan, you hurt my feelings!"

"So..." said Megan. "Somehow I'm insensitive?"

"Look," said Oliver. "I'm going to go get a drink refill. While I'm gone, you think about this."

Oliver got up and left the table, but then Megan spoke up "Oh come on! I'm a bashful child beginning to grow! Cut me some slack, Mike Stan Lee!"

Oliver suddenly stopped in his tracks with his eyes widened, shocked at what Megan just said. He slowly turned around. Oliver walked back up to Megan. "_What _did you call me?" asked Oliver.

"Mike Stan Lee" said Megan with a suspicious smile and nod.

There was a brief pause. "Why did you call me that?" asked Oliver.

"Come on," said Megan. "You have the same voice as him, you have the same pretty face, and you're both very good at rapping!"

This was not good. Oliver knew Megan was onto him the minute she looked into his eyes while they were watching T.V. together, and now, she was letting him know. "You don't think I'm _really _Mike Stan Lee, do you?" asked Oliver.

"Maybe I do, maybe I don't" said Megan still smiling.

There was another brief pause. "Megan," said Oliver. "Me? Mike Stan Lee? That's crazy."

"Well, gee," said Megan still with a skeptical smile. "Why don't you just take it as a compliment? You know, you're getting awfully nervous for someone who has nothing to hide!"

There was another brief pause. Oliver looked behind himself briefly, then back at Megan. He got the feeling the only thing he could was create a distraction. Oliver closed in on Megan and smiled. "Say, you know how Mike Stan Lee says 'sittin' pritay' in the citay'?" said Oliver.

"Yeah?" said Megan smiling right back.

"Well," said Oliver. "How about we sit pritay' in the countray'?"

"What do you mean?" asked Megan. Suddenly, Oliver picked up a french fry, and playfully threw it at Megan! Megan winced with a high pitched sound. Then Megan threw a pickle at Oliver. Next, Oliver picked up the ketchup, and Megan picked up the mustard, and they both started squirting each other! They were both giggling as they did this.

Then, from behind them, the sprinklers came on. "Hey! Let's run through the sprinklers!" suggested Oliver.

"WOOOO!" cheered Megan. Oliver and Megan got up from the picnic table, Megan took off her sandals, and they both ran through the sprinklers back and forth, laughing blissfully as they held onto each other, and washing off the ketchup and mustard in the process. Before too long, Oliver pulled Megan into the grass, and they were rolling on and off of each other, still laughing. Oliver loved this! This was so romantic! This was a lot like what he did with Miley and Lily once in the ocean! After they rolled for a while, Megan pinned Oliver below her and started kissing him. They made out in the wet grass for about an hour. Finally, Oliver was having some more female success! It was definitely a curse not having any guy friends, but Oliver found a lot of comfort in girls. In a way, he was girl _crazy!_ One time when Oliver failed to get guy friends, Miley suggested he was more charming to the opposite sex than to the same sex. Oliver had failed a lot of attempts to get girlfriends before, but maybe Miley was right. He had no one to talk about guy stuff with, but, it was a blessing and a curse.

This was all a very awesome experience, but Oliver was concerned about Megan getting wise to him being Mike Stan Lee III. He had to tell Miley, to warn her to be wary of Megan. Wait...no, he _couldn't _tell Miley! If Miley found out about Megan's suspicion, she would be _terrified_ that Megan might find out she was Hannah Montana! And then she would make Oliver break up with her! No, Oliver couldn't let that happen. It was the first girlfriend he had since Miley and Lily, and he wanted to keep her.

But he may not be able to keep this a secret for long.

It was Sunday night. Hannah Montana, Lola Luftnangle, and Mike Stan Lee III arrived in a limo at a celebrity dinner party. There were a bunch of fans and paparazzis crowded around the entrance behind the velvet ropes, and boy were they making noise! Hannah stepped out of the limo, wearing a light blue dress showing cleavage. The fans cheered and the paparazzis took pictures. Lola stepped out in a white dress, with her hair dyed pink, and the fans cheered again! The fans cheered one more time as Mike stepped out of the limo, dressed as a 1940's gangster, all dressed in orange. Hannah and Mike put their arms around each other, with each of their opposite hands in the air, smiling at the people. Then they hugged. Then Hannah gave Mike a kiss on the cheek. Next, Hannah and Lola put their arms around each other in a romantic way, still facing the fans. They let the paparazzis take a few pictures, just like with the last few posses, then they kissed on the lips! "WOOOOOOOOOOO!" the fans cheered. "Hannah! Lola! Will you have a threesome with me?" shouted one of the fans.

A little later, the three of them were inside, and they were sitting at a round table with Traci Vanhorn. "So, Traci," said Hannah. "What are we having tonight?"

"One of the most exotic meals in the world," said Traci. "Lobster!"

"Ooooo!" said Hannah. "Pinchy pinchy pinchy!" Hannah started pretending her hands were pinchers and started gently pinching Traci all over. Traci giggled. Pretty soon, Hannah even pinched Traci's boobs! That made Traci laugh even louder!

"Oh, stop it!" said Traci playfully. Mike laughed, and Lola only laughed weakly, because since she really didn't like Traci, she was actually kind of jealous. _Just keep telling yourself, Lily, _Lola thought. _Hannah licks your pussy, Hannah licks your pussy!_

Suddenly, Mike's cell phone rang. Unfortunately, it wasn't his "Mike" phone. It was his "Oliver" phone. Oh no, he forgot to turn it off! "Uh, Traci," said Mike as he got up. "Please excuse me while I take this private call."

"Oh please!" said Traci playfully. "We're celebrities! _Nothing _is private!"

"Yeah, well I watch porn, but ya' don't see me doin' _that _in public, do ya'?" said Mike.

"Fair enough," said Traci with a smile. "Go right ahead."

Mike moved far away from the table and rounded a corner. He checked the caller I.D. It was Megan! "Uh...hi, Megan!" said Mike nervously.

"Hi, Oliver!" said Megan. "So, what are you doing right now?"

"Um, I'm kind of out with Miley and Lily right now" said Mike truthfully.

Meanwhile, over at Mike's table, Hannah was squeezing Traci's boobs while giving her a hickie! "OH HANNAH!" shouted Traci. "YOU'RE SO DIRTY!" Traci said that awfully loud.

"What was that?" asked Megan.

Whoa boy, Megan heard Traci! "Uh...I'm guessing that was Miley" lied Mike.

"Gee, that's funny," said Megan. "That voice sounded very familiar. It sounded like..._Traci Vanhorn._"

ULP! She hit the nail on the head! "Traci _who?" _said Mike.

"You know," said Megan skeptically. "Hannah Montana's friend."

"Oh!" said Mike. "Well, see, Miley was probably impersonating Traci-...uh, Vanhorn. Miley does very good voice impersonations." And part of that wasn't a lie.

There was a brief pause in the call. "I kind of think you're up to something," said Megan sweetly. "But I guess I'll just get back to you some other time, kay'? Bye, sweet cheeks!" Megan made a kissy noise just before she hung up.

"Bye, Megan..." said Mike in a panicky, sissy tone. She said that so sweetly, and most of what she said was sweet, but the first couple of words were kind of threatening! Traci almost blew his cover! Mike was mad at Traci, but he couldn't bitch at _her _about it, because that would spill the beans. Megan wasn't the only one he was keeping a secret from. In fact, he, Hannah, and Lola were keeping a secret from the whole world!

Mike put away his phone and went back to his table and approached Hannah. When he got back, Lola was playing with her lobster, pretending it was dancing. She was singing a little song while she was doing it.

"_We're doin' the claw dance_

_Right below the ocean_

_So we can rock away the waves_

_We're doin' the claw dance-..."_

"Um, Hannah, can I talk to you in private?" asked Mike.

"Uh, sure" said Hannah.

"Hannah, wait!" said Traci. "You're not going to leave me all alone with..." Traci gave Lola a grim look.

"Come on!" said Hannah. "She's not that bad!"

Hannah and Mike left the table. Traci and Lola looked at each other coldly, then looked away from each other. "Well, looks like I'm stuck with pinky whitehead" said Traci. "Why do you always dye your hair anyway? Are you really that desperate to get the guys to come to you?"

"For your information, I happen to be a lesbian" said Lola.

Traci made a quick gasp and then said "EWWWWWWW! You're not attracted to _me, _are you?"

"Believe me, sister," said Lola. "There are some girls I could do without!"

"Oh, that's a relief" said Traci. "Just don't tell Hannah I said 'ew.' She would never forgive me."

"For what," said Lola. "Your sexuality, or those fake boobs?" Traci gasped offendedly.

Further down the room and around the corner, Mike was talking to Hannah. "Hannah, you and Traci were being way too loud!" Mike said quietly. "That was Megan on the phone!"

Hannah gasped, then lifted Mike by the collar. "How much did she hear?" demanded Hannah.

"Agh!" Mike exclaimed in a sissy tone. "Don't hurt me! Don't hurt me!"

"How...much...did...she...hear?" snarled Hannah.

"Uh...she didn't hear your name, but she recognized Traci's voice!" said Mike.

"Agh!" Hannah exclaimed as her jaw dropped in dismay. "What did you say back to her?" said Hannah in an angry tone.

"Whoa! Easy! Easy!" Mike groveled. "I told her it was just Miley impersonating Traci!"

Hannah put Mike down. "Mike, you're supposed to turn your Oliver phone off when you're Mike Stan Lee III!" said Hannah.

"I know," said Mike calming down. "And I'm sorry."

"How could you be so irresponsible?" said Hannah. "I will not lose my normal life just because you're an idiot! Turn off your cell phone, _now!"_ Mike looked back at Hannah as if he were hurt. Hannah smiled. "Ollie pop!" said Hannah sheepishly adding a word onto her last sentence.

Miley, Lily, and Oliver were on the beach the day after the celebrity dinner. They were sitting at a picnic table. Over at Rico's, Rico had hired some steel drum players for entertainment. "I think it was a good idea for Rico to hire some steel drum players," said Lily. "It's pretty relaxing."

"Yeah, relaxing enough to make people not think about how much money they're spending on Rico's shack" said Miley sarcastically.

"It's still not anything like the party last night" said Oliver.

"PARTY?" said a familiar voice nearby. Miley, Lily, and Oliver turned in the direction of the voice and saw Megan come out of the bushes! "What party?" said Megan loudly. "You mean to tell me there was a party and I wasn't invited?"

The other three hesitated with a bunch of stuttering words briefly. "Um, Oliver...went to a party, but it wasn't a very _big _party" lied Miley. "There were only, like, five people."

"Y-yeah," said Lily. "It turned out to be a _geek _party Oliver was obligated to go to."

Oliver made a grim, nervous look at Megan, then he closed in on Lily and whispered "Don't over sell it!"

"Well, it's like I call Oliver," said Megan as she kneeled down at Oliver. "My cute, snuggly wuggly, dorky worky poo!" said Megan as she ran her hands on the sides of Oliver's face. Oliver giggled. Then Megan and Oliver started to kiss. Miley and Lily looked at them uncomfortably, then they looked at each other with their teeth showing and their eyebrows slanted. Miley didn't like this. Not because Oliver was kissing someone else, but because Megan was eavesdropping on their conversation. Miley was lucky they didn't go into too much detail about the party, or say anything about...Hannah. Something gave Miley the feeling her life just got a little more dangerous.

And she knew exactly who to blame.

"YOU MORON!" shouted Miley on her front porch two hours later.

"Look, Miley," said Oliver. "I can explain!"

"Because of your dumb ass mistake, Megan thinks you know Traci Vanhorn!" yelled Miley. Miley's next several sentences were said with strong sarcasm. "Oliver knows Traci? Ooo! Maybe he knows Hannah too! Can I hang out with you and Hannah? Of course you can, Megan! Gee, Hannah, you're acting awfully suspicious. Maybe because YOU'RE SECRETLY MILEY STEWART!" When the sarcasm ended, Miley said "Megan is now stalking and spying on you! And if _you're _being watched, _I'm _being watched! Which will eventually draw her to the conclusion that _I'M_-..."

"MILEY, PLEASE!" interrupted Oliver as he stood up to Miley for the first time. "JUST _LISTEN!"_

Miley suddenly made a shocked, sad, goofy facial expression as if she were hurt. "You yelled at me..." said Miley in a sad puppy voice. "I'm your Miley muffin."

There was a brief pause. "It wasn't my fault" said Oliver firmly. "Last week...Megan and I were watching T.V. over at her house. We were watching our reality show, 'Hannah Montana—Livin' the Rockstar Life.' Megan started to notice...that I look and sound an awful lot like Mike Stan Lee. Two days later, she even _called _me Mike Stan Lee."

"What?" asked Miley surprised.

"She figured it out, Miley" said Oliver with an assertive shrug. There was another pause. "She kept making hints that she thought I was hiding something from her" said Oliver. "It was my fault for leaving my phone on, but...that...is what started all this."

There was a moment of silence. "OK," said Miley. "It wasn't your fault. But why didn't you tell me this before?"

"Because," said Oliver with a hint of anxiety. "I was afraid you'd get so scared about your secret getting out that you'd-..." Oliver's voice trailed off.

"What?" said Miley. "Force you to break up with her?" Oliver lowered his head slightly and gave Miley a fat lip frown with his eyebrows widened. "Well, I'm sorry, Oliver," said Miley. "But she can't be trusted! If she finds out you're Mike Stan Lee, she'll eventually find out that _I'm Hannah Montana!"_

"Or if she finds out _I'm _Lola Luftnangle!" said Lily with a smile who had been quiet the whole time.

Miley looked at Lily. "Don't be jealous, _Lola,"_ said Miley. "You're already more popular than Mike."

"Miley, please," said Oliver firmly. "Let me stay with her. I really like this girl. I promise I'll be more careful to keep our secret, and now that we all know, we can _all _be more careful."

Miley thought for a moment, then sighed. "All right" said Miley. "You can stay with her. But if this gets any worse, you're going to have to break up with her."

"Um, Miley," said Oliver. "As long as we're on the subject, there's a little something else I should tell you..."

"What?" asked Miley.

"Megan...kind of has a girl crush on Hannah Montana."

Miley's eyes widened in dismay. _"Double agent boyfriend say what?"_

**Stay tuned for chapter 2 "The Cover Up"**


	2. The Cover Up

**Disclaimer: The document you are about to read is a parody. The writer of the document is not associated with Hannah Montana or Disney channel in any way. Little or none of the content of this fanfic is from any episode of the show. Anyway, IT'S JUST A FANTASY!**

**Chapter 2: "The Cover up"**

Hannah Montana rode up to Oliver's house in her limo. Hannah was going to be interviewed about a movie she had just stared in. "Indiana Joanie—The Curse of the Golden Cobra." Although Lola Luftnangle and Mike Stan Lee weren't in the movie, Hannah had agreed to let them add their comments as well. Inside Oliver's house, the doorbell rang and Oliver went to answer it. "Oliver!" Hannah exclaimed when Oliver opened the door. "Why aren't you in your Mike Stan Lee outfit? I thought you wanted to come with me to my interview!"

"OH!" Oliver exclaimed. "Right! Just come on in and I'll go upstairs." Hannah came in and Oliver shut the front door. "Don't worry," said Oliver. "I'm a guy, I don't take as long to get ready to go out. I don't know why you girls take so long."

Hannah put her hands on Oliver's shoulders. "Because we have to look the best for you guys!" said Hannah firmly. With that, Hannah gave Oliver a quick, rough kiss.

"That's totally understandable" said Oliver with a smile. Oliver started to walk towards the stairs, but then he stopped and turned around. "Although," said Oliver. "You know, I read in one of Lily's issues of M magazine that Jesse Mcartney takes even longer than Jojo! For two reasons: 1. Jojo is a bitch, so she could care less how she looks for the guys. And 2. Jesse Mcartney is _gay!_" Oliver said the word "gay" in a ridiculing, high pitched tone.

"Oliver, I know you're a guy, but I would appreciate it if you wouldn't bad mouth Jesse Mcartney," said Hannah fairly gently. "Because I'm a fan."

"OK, I'll just concentrate on mah' _girl _popstars" flirted Oliver. "Like Hannah Montana." Hannah giggled.

"But, say whatever you want about Jojo!" assured Hannah.

Oliver pointed both of his fingers at Hannah flirtatiously. Just as Oliver was about to go upstairs, suddenly, the doorbell rang! "Uh oh," said Oliver as he turned back. "Who's at my door?" Oliver went over to the door and looked behind the little curtain on the small window by the front door. It was MEGAN!

Oliver covered up the curtain went back to Hannah. "It's Megan!" said Oliver in a loud whisper. "Quick! You have to hide!"

"What?" said Hannah in the same volume. "What's she doing here? I thought your next date with her was on Friday!"

"Never mind that now!" said Oliver frantically. "Just go upstairs and hide!"

Hannah ran upstairs and hid in Oliver's parents' bedroom. Meanwhile, downstairs, Oliver answered the door. "Megan!" said Oliver surprised and sheepish. "What an...unexpected surprise!"

"Hiya', sweetie!" said Megan.

"Um," said Oliver. "What are you doing here? I thought our next date was Friday."

As Megan answered Oliver, she ducked under Oliver's arm and "let herself in", as if it were forced entry. "Wellllll, I was just with my girlfriend only to realize I would much rather be with you! You're not busy, are you?" Oliver followed her into the living room. "I don't suppose you have plans, do you?" said Megan. "Like maybe, hanging out with your female friends, Miley Stewart and Lily Truscot? Or maybe some other people I don't know about?"

Oh no, this was not good. What Megan was saying was very skeptical. Not just what she said, but the way she said it. It sounded like sweet talk, but at the same time, Oliver could tell she was suspicious. But that was the least of his worries. He had Hannah Montana hiding upstairs in his house!

"Uh...uh, no! No! I don't have plans!" lied Oliver. "In fact, why don't we just sit right here on the couch?"

"_Oh! _How romantic!" said Megan still with a hint of skeptisism. They sat on the couch. "Say," said Megan. "What's that limo doing parked outside your house?"

"Uh, ah, detsch, shoue, ah," stuttered Oliver. "I think there's a business tycoon visiting the house across the street."

"Buuuut," said Megan. "The limo is parked on _your _side of the street."

"Uh," said Oliver followed by a high pitched, sheepish laugh. "I don't know, go figure chauffeurs these days."

Megan looked at Oliver skeptically, and this time, it wasn't sweet. "'Go figure chauffeurs these days?'" said Megan. "Gee, you say that like _you _ride in limos all the time."

Meanwhile, upstairs, in Oliver's parents' bedroom, Hannah was pacing back and forth frantically. She looked at her watch. It was 4:03. "Arrghh!" Hannah exclaimed. Her interview was at five o' clock, and she had to get down to her limo! Losing her patience, Hannah whipped out her Z phone and started typing a text.

Back downstairs, Oliver was still talking to Megan on the couch. "That's ridiculous, Megan," said Oliver friendly. "The only time I've ridden in a limo is on my way to the airport when I go on vacation with my family."

"So, does that give you a taste of the good life?" asked Megan in a flirty tone.

"The good life?" said Oliver. "What's that? It's hard for me to imagine what that's like."

Megan smiled. "Here," said Megan. "I'll give you a taste of the good life right now..." With that, Megan puckered up her lips, closed her eyes, and moved in on Oliver!

_Great! _Oliver thought. _She softens me up with skeptical sweet talk, now she's trying to expose me by making my heart nervous!_ Before Megan could kiss Oliver, Oliver's cell phone made a texting noise. "Whoa, I got a text" said Oliver. Oliver took out his cell phone. The text was from Hannah, but to conceal her identity, just in case, it was sent with her Miley phone. Oliver pressed a button. The text read "HOW DO I GET OUT OF HERE?"

"Who's is that?" asked Megan.

"Oh it's uh, Miley" said Oliver. "She just asked me if I want to hang out. But since you're here, I got to let her down gently." Oliver started typing a text message back to Hannah.

Meanwhile, upstairs, Hannah got a text back from Oliver. The text read "You go on without me, I'll sit this one out." "Ugh!" said Hannah. "It's a good thing that boy has a heart," said Hannah as she typed another text message. "Because he sure as hell doesn't have a brain!"

Back downstairs, Megan said "So...where were we?"

Oliver looked at Megan half disgusted. "I'm the guy! _I'm _supposed to say that!" said Oliver. There was a brief pause. "But anyway..." said Oliver trying to act cool. With that, Oliver and Megan closed in..._and kissed!_ The kiss lasted pretty long too. Within seconds, they were making out. Oliver was still nervous that Hannah was in the house, but now he was actually starting to enjoy it! Megan then started to push Oliver down on his back, but Oliver didn't let her push him all the way down. The making out lasted for a minute and 40 seconds, then Oliver got another text. He tried to push Megan off of him, but Megan didn't let him push her all the way off. Oliver managed to look at his phone even with Megan trying to push him down. "Megan, I got another text" said Oliver.

"Oh, just ignore it!" said Megan. "I'm your girlfriend!"

"No, Megan, I really need to take this!" said Oliver.

"Argh!" complained Megan as she let Oliver get up. Oliver pushed the button and read the text. It said "No, how do I get out without Megan seeing me?"

Suddenly, the driver of the limo outside honked the horn. It drew attention to Megan. "Oliver," said Megan. "The limo driver out there just honked the horn. Almost like they're waiting for someone to come out."

"Heh heh...heh..." laughed Oliver nervously as he typed Hannah another text message.

Meanwhile, back upstairs, Hannah read the next text from Oliver. It read "Go into my room, crawl out the window, and climb down the tree." Hannah was half shocked, half disgusted. "_Really?"_ complained Hannah. Hannah put away her phone and went into Oliver's room. She walked over to the window and opened it. Hannah looked out the window and saw that the tree wasn't very close to the window, just a big branch. She made a pouty expression. "Hoh', I really don't like this!" said Hannah in a tearful, wheezing voice. Hannah climbed upon the window sill, grabbed hold of the branch, and put her legs over it. She was laying her stomach on the branch, with her arms and legs around the bottom. She scooted further down the branch as she made some tearful, panicking noises. Halfway down the branch, she started to wobble, then her body swung down under the branch! "AAGGHH!" screamed Hannah as she almost fell. She was stunned for a moment, then she used her legs to swing her body back on top of the branch. She scooted all the way down to the next couple of branches. Hannah grabbed hold of the slightly higher branch so she could stand upon the branch she was crawling on. She stepped onto the next branch, grabbed hold of an adjacent branch, then stretched her legs so she could sit on top of the next lower branch. Hannah rested for a moment. She grabbed the branch that was directly above her to pull herself up, stepped onto the next lowest branch, and then, just when she was about to step onto the next one, there was something blocking her path. She screamed! Right on the next branch she had to get to, there was...A _SNAKE!_ Hannah retraced her climbing to move farther away from the snake. To Hannah's surprise, the snake followed her! She was making frightened groveling noises. Hannah paused. "I would give anything to be Indiana Joanie right now!" said Hannah out loud. Yeah, she hated snakes, but at least Indiana Joanie wasn't _afraid _of snakes. Hannah had worked with some real snakes in the movie "Indiana Joanie—The Curse of the Golden Cobra", but those snakes were _trained!_ This snake was more than likely _wild!_ Hannah found herself climbing out on a really long limb to avoid the snake, on her stomach again, then her body swung down the branch again! "AGH!" screamed Hannah. The snake continued to follow her out on the limb! Just when Hannah reached the end of the branch, Hannah heard a snapping noise. She looked at the snake. No, it wasn't the snake, THE BRANCH WAS BREAKING! Hannah squinted her eyes and clenched her teeth. "_SWEET NIBLETS!"_ screamed Hannah.

Meanwhile, inside, Oliver was still making out with Megan. Oliver was really enjoying it! But then, on the backyard patio, which could be seen from the living room, Hannah and the tree branch fell right through the patio table! Realizing Hannah needed a cover up, Oliver quickly jumped upward and intentionally banged his knee up against the coffee table. "OW!" screamed Oliver. "OW! OW! OW!"

Megan quickly got up and put her hand on Oliver's shoulder. "Oliver? Honey? Are you OK?" said Megan. "What happened?"

"You touched me in a way that tickled me, so it caused me to jump upward and bang my knee!" lied Oliver.

"Oooohhhh, I'm sorry!" said Megan tenderly. "Here, let me kiss it and make it all better!" said Megan in baby talk.

_Oh god, I sure hope Miley is OK! _Oliver thought.

Outside, Hannah was crawling on her knees and arms, with her head down, and her stomach very close to the ground. She crawled all the way to her limo.

Five hours later, once again, at Oliver's house, Hannah, Lola, and Oliver were talking in the living room. Oliver was definitely relieved that Miley wasn't injured. She had made it to her interview on time, and she recovered from the pain during the limo ride. "Are you OK, my precious little Miley muffin?" said Oliver sweetly as he ran his hands down Hannah's face.

"Don't you 'Miley muffin' me!" said Hannah pushing Oliver's hands off. "This is your fault! That was _way_ too close! And I almost bought a one way ticket to the hospital! Oliver, what did I tell you? She can't be trusted! You said you would be more careful, but apparently that's beyond your control! I warned you that if this got any worse, you would have to break up with Megan!"

There was a brief pause. "Miley," said Oliver confidently. "Is this _really _all about your secret? Are you sure it has nothing to do with a little _jealousy _that I'm seeing another girl?"

"Wooooooo..." said Lola.

Hannah looked at Oliver straight in the eyes. "Oliver," said Hannah sternly. "I crawled out your window, climbed down the tree, got chased by a snake, and fell through your patio table. All because I didn't want Megan to find out I'm Hannah Montana. _This isn't...about...us."_

There was another brief pause. "Well, I think that's very mature of you" said Oliver. Oliver paused. "But I also think it's awfully mean of you to make me break up with Megan" said Oliver. "She's the first real girlfriend I've had since you and Lily. I honestly didn't think any girl other than you two would ever kiss me, until I met...her." Oliver paused again. "I mean, I thought we all agreed we were going to expand!" said Oliver. "What ever happened to that?" Oliver paused. "The other day," said Oliver. "When we found out Megan was hiding in the bushes, she hung out with us for the rest of the day. You enjoyed that, didn't you? You like her! Do you seriously want to throw that away?"

"OK, Oliver," said Hannah firmly. "I love you as a boyfriend...but if you won't break up with Megan...until you do...you can't come with me to my concerts or any of my Hannah stuff anymore." Hannah paused. "Mike Stan Lee the third could very well be Mike Stan Lee the last" said Hannah.

Oliver made a sad face and hung his head as emotion started to build in the room. Oliver slowly exited the room and went up the stairs. Lola started thinking it wouldn't be quite as fun without Mike along for the ride. She made a sad face. "Gee," said Lola sadly. "Don't you think you were awfully hard on him?"

"I don't know..." said Hannah sad and confused. "It was hard on _me _too." Hannah paused briefly. "I'm going to miss him when I do my Hannah stuff" said Hannah. Lola rested her head on Hannah's shoulder, and Hannah rested her head on Lola's head.

Miley couldn't believe she said that to Oliver. It was sad, but she felt it had to be done. She had a secret to keep, so Miley was just protecting it the only way she knew how. A parent is never happy punishing their child, and Miley wasn't happy punishing Oliver. But...she would still get to date him, wouldn't she? She would still get to make out with him, wouldn't she? She would still get to have sex with him, wouldn't she? Miley really wasn't sure. Miley tried talking to Lily about this, out of Oliver's presence, but Lily was too emotional about it to say anything helpful. Miley took a little hint that what she did was wrong, but Lily didn't have the courage to say it to her. Right now, Miley was talking to Robbie Ray at the kitchen table, at her house. Maybe _he _would have the guts to tell Miley his opinion. "I do feel pretty bad about what I said to Oliver," said Miley. "I mean, it was just as painful for me as it was for him, but it could have been worse. It's not like I dumped him as my boyfriend."

"Well, ya' may not have dumped Oliver," said Robbie Ray. "Butcha' sure did dump Mike Stan Lee."

Oh god, Miley could have done without that sarcastic remark. "What are you implying?" snapped Miley.

"Hey," said Robbie Ray. "You always insisted Miley and Hannah were two different people."

Miley got up from her seat. "Come on, dad, this is serious!" said Miley as she started walking around the table. "I've never said anything like that to Oliver before! God knows what he's feeling in his heart right now. Depression? Shame? Angst? After I told him he can't come to my Hannah stuff anymore, how is this going to effect our non celebrity relationship?"

"Hey, bud," said Robbie Ray. "This is the path you chose. You wanted a complicated life? _You got it._ And everythang' else that goes with it."

Miley was disgusted. "Oh, here it comes!" said Miley sarcastically. "The old parental lecturing! You're telling me that it's wrong to have sex, be bisexual, and to have a girlfriend, and a boyfriend who's also seeing another girl!"

"Miley, this 'aint about your complicated love life" said Robbie Ray. "This is more about your secret hurtin' the people you love."

Miley got a little uncomfortable. "So...what? You're saying I should just tell the world I'm Hannah Montana?" yelled Miley.

Robbie Ray got up from his seat and put his hand on Miley's shoulder. "I 'aint tellin' you ta' do nothin'" said Robbie Ray. "I'm just sayin'...ya' might wanna' go a little easier on your boyfriend."

Oliver was in his room, laying on his bed, feeling sad. He didn't know exactly what he was feeling, but it was definitely negative. He was feeling a combination of sadness, frustration, and anger. He was upset about what Miley said, but he wasn't sure whether he was mad at Miley or himself. Who's fault was this? Was it his fault for not breaking up with Megan? Or was it Miley's fault for being unreasonable? Miley _was _reasonable for not being jealous, but sometimes Oliver felt it was easier being around Miley before he knew her secret. Although, he did love getting a taste of the good life, and Miley taking that away from him now is what upset him. Oliver also hated how Miley almost got hurt really bad (physically). He didn't know exactly who to blame, but he couldn't bare the thought of seeing his precious, little angel laying in a hospital bed. The worst part about that was, when he tried to comfort her about that, she pushed him away! On top of not knowing who should be upset, all Miley said was that Oliver couldn't come with her to her Hannah stuff anymore. That's it? She didn't say "It's over"? Or, "I don't want to see you again"? Even just for a while? She also said that she loved him as a boyfriend. So, she still wanted to date him? This left Oliver kind of confused. It's like she was saying "I love you, but I don't love you." He was confused, but he would rather be confused than dumped. Oliver was very lucky to have a girlfriend like Miley. Miley was a celebrity popstar who touched his heart with love songs. She was bisexual, and there was one more thing about Miley (and Lily) that was just too incredible to believe. Miley let him see other girls, and Oliver always believed love wasn't about being tied down to one person. Miley Stewart was probably the coolest girlfriend ever. Any other girl would have dumped him.

Upon that last thought, Oliver's cell phone rang. He flipped it up, and his eyes widened when he saw Miley's name on the caller ID! "Miley!" said Oliver surprised. "Hi..."

"Um..." said Miley weakly. "Wanna'...go swimming on the beach, Ollie pop?"

"Huh?" said Oliver weakly. "I thought you were mad at me."

"No, honey," said Miley gently. "I just said you couldn't come to my Hannah stuff. I still want to see you!"

"Well, gee, Miley," said Oliver. "After what you said to me before, I'm kind of upset myself."

"_Please, _Oliver," said Miley emotionally. "No matter how many friends, lovers, or fans I get, you are the most important guy in my life."

In Miley's house, where Miley was, Robbie Ray heard the phone conversation. "Hey! That hurts right here, bud!" said Robbie Ray putting his hand over his heart.

"Hang on, Oliver," said Miley. She pointed the phone away from her and turned to Robbie Ray. "Daddy, when I said 'guy', I meant 'young guy', not 'middle aged man'" said Miley. "Don't worry, you're family, love you too, cowboy!" said Miley frantically followed by a big smile and gesturing "I love you" in sign language.

Robbie Ray shrugged. "Works for me" said Robbie Ray.

Jackson suddenly walked by. "Hey, squirt! What about me?" said Jackson.

"Oh, I think of you as more of a pet!" said Miley in a smart ass tone.

"_I think of you as more of a pet!"_ mimicked Jackson. Miley and Jackson mocked each other indistinctly a few times. Jackson picked up a pillow from the couch and hit Miley with it once. When he hit Miley, Miley almost dropped her phone! She caught it clumsily and put it back up to her ear.

**A/N: Hehe! Can you just get a picture of that in your head?**

"_Please, Ollie pop?"_ said Miley sensitively followed by making kissy sounds with intimate, verbal noises.

"_Bleach!" _said Jackson as he was about to go upstairs. "And you think mah' room is disgusting!" Miley ignored Jackson.

"I'll be there, Miley muffin" said Oliver. Miley smiled.

Miley and Oliver went swimming on the beach that day, and they sure had fun greasing up each other, as well as holding, kissing, and fondling each other in the ocean. They also went a little deeper into the ocean, a point were they had to tread water. A lot of people were afraid to do that, because they were afraid of sharks, but living on the coast of California, Miley and Oliver knew that sharks weren't as dangerous in real life as they were in movies. After they got out of the water, they bought some snacks from Rico's. They each ordered something different, and they ended up sharing their food as they intimately fed each other. Miley thought it was just as much fun doing that with Oliver as it was doing it with Lily. Throughout that time, neither of them said anything about Megan or Miley banning Oliver from her Hannah things. Oliver was just lucky Megan never came to the beach and caught him cheating on her! It was pretty lucky for Miley too, because if Megan found out that Miley knew they were dating, she'd never talk to her again! Miley may have been upset about Megan getting wise to Oliver's Mike Stan Lee secret, but Oliver did have a point when he said Miley enjoyed hanging out with her. Miley even thought about dating Megan herself!

They were on the beach for three hours, and then they both went to Miley's house. The sun was still shinning bright. Miley and Oliver walked onto the front porch. "So," said Oliver. "Should we...kiss one last time before we go inside?"

"Relax, Oliver," said Miley. "We can do even more than that even after we go in! Because remember, I've got a cool, rockin' dad!"

"Yeah," said Oliver. "I always wondered how you became such an amazing popstar. I figure you get it from your dad."

Miley was flattered. "Awwwww! Now I don't _want _to wait until we get inside!" With that, Miley and Oliver started kissing on the porch. They kissed for 38 seconds.

The kiss parted and they looked in each other's eyes. "The door _is _open, isn't it?" asked Oliver.

Miley looked to the side sheepishly. "Uuuuhhh..." said Miley.

"_Miley..."_ accused Oliver.

"I'm not sure if my dad or Jackson are home" said Miley. Miley broke off the embrace and tried to open the door. It wouldn't open. "It's locked" said Miley. "But I did bring a key." Miley took out her key, unlocked the door, and opened it.

"Say, if Jackson's not home, that means we can kiss as we walk through the living room!" said Oliver somewhat exited.

"Yeah, just like in the movies!" said Miley. That's exactly what Miley and Oliver did. They kissed while walking through the living room at the same time. Although they couldn't kiss while they were walking up the stairs. They entered Miley's room and Miley pinned Oliver on the bed as they continued making out. Oliver slipped off Miley's shirt, and Miley pulled off Oliver's shirt. They continued making out. Oliver pulled off Miley's bikini top, pushed Miley onto her side, and started squeezing her boobs while kissing her. Oliver sucked Miley's nipples as Miley held his head close and smiled.

Suddenly, Miley's cell phone rang. "Ugh!" complained Miley. "That's probably Lily."

Miley sat up and took her phone out of her pocket. "Miley! Come on!" said Oliver. "This is our time!"

Miley flipped up and looked at the caller ID. "Oh, don't be so insensitive, Oliver" said Miley. "Wiwwy' pop is wonesome'!" said Miley in baby talk. Miley put the phone up to her ear. "Hiya', Lily pop," said Miley tenderly. "Do you miss me?" Miley made a few kissy sounds.

Lily giggled blissfully. "Hey, don't make me laugh" said Lily. "I'm mad at you."

"_Why?" _asked Miley sensitively.

"Because you left me all alone all day! I finished my homework, and then I tried to call you! _Twice!"_

"Well," said Miley. "Ollie pop and I went into the ocean, and I didn't want to pay the 'underwater roman charges.'" There was a brief pause. "But Lily, come on," said Miley. "Oliver and I just had a fight, so you can let him have this, can't you? I mean, you can come over if you want, but this is kind of our special time together."

"Well, what am I supposed to do?" asked Lily. "Watch you and Oliver go at it while I play with my pussy?"

Miley hesitated. "Uh...why don't you hang out with Joanie and/or Lisa?" said Miley in a comforting tone. "After all, you do kind of need to..._get to know them better!"_ Miley said "Get to know them better" in a provocative tone.

"_Sayyyy, _that's not a bad idea!" said Lily. "Hoh'! Just you saying that is putting pleasant thoughts in my head! Hoh'! I'm picturing Lisa's feet! Ooo! Now Joanie's cleavage! Ooo! Oh my god, I gotta' go! Love you, Miley muffin!"

With that, Lily hung up and Miley put her phone on her nightstand. "So...where were we?" flirted Oliver.

Miley responded by straddling Oliver and putting her bare boobs above his face. "Right about here" flirted Miley. With that, Miley smothered her boobs in Oliver's face. Later, they both took off the rest of their clothes. Oliver fondled Miley's pussy, Miley grabbed and smacked Oliver's ass, and Miley sat on Oliver's face while fondling his dic, which was very blissful to Oliver.

Miley started licking Oliver's hairy armpits. Oliver was amazed! "Wow, Miley!" said Oliver. "You actually _like _that?"

Miley stopped licking briefly and said "Yes, I really am that sexy!" Miley started licking Oliver's arm pits again.

"Damn," said Oliver. "And I didn't even use deodorant last night!"

Miley stopped briefly again. "Oliver, you could fart in my face right now and I would _still _kiss your ass and call it lasagna!"

"_What a girl!" _said Oliver as Miley started licking his other arm pit.

Miley and Oliver ultimately ended up using a condom and going all the way. This wasn't the first time they did this, and Oliver remembered, during the aftermath of their first time, Miley said in a sing-songy tone _"Baby you make mah' heart spin, cuz' I 'aint no virgin!"_ After they finished, they held onto each other in bed, under the sheets. They layed like that for about a half hour as the evening sun started to turn. They didn't say a single word as they layed motionless, caressing each other. They had their eyes closed during this time too, but they weren't asleep. Finally, Miley opened her eyes and said "Oliver..."

"Yes, Miley?" answered Oliver.

Miley paused. "I'm sorry."

Oliver opened his eyes. _"What?" _said Oliver. _"What _did you say, Miley?"

"I said I'm sorry" said Miley.

Oliver let go of Miley and sat up in bed. "Wow!" said Oliver. "Somebody get me a video camera!"

Miley sat up with an uncomfortable expression. _"Say what?" _said Miley.

"Girls _never _apologize!" said Oliver. "They always put everything on the guys because they overlook how insensitive they are themselves! Usually because they fall for insensitive guys! Miley, you really are the coolest girl ever."

"AWWWWWW!" Miley swooned. Miley hugged Oliver, pressing her bare body up against his, then gave him a peck on the lips. "Listen, Oliver," said Miley sensitively. "I know my secret makes life harder for the people I love. You, Lily, my dad...not so much Jake Ryan...and even Jackson have made so many sacrifices for me, that...I think it's time I gave you a little something in return."

The more time Oliver spent with Miley, the more amazing she became. He really loved this girl! "Wow..." said Oliver blissfully. "You just went all the way with me for the third time, and now there's more?"

Miley smiled. "Oliver..." said Miley. "Consider yourself Mike Stan Lee III."

Oliver smiled. "I love you, Miley" said Oliver.

Even though Oliver didn't say every detail about his feelings for Miley out loud, Miley could tell what he felt. "I love you too" said Miley. With that, they shared a long passionate kiss.

After the kiss parted, they were holding each other again. "Yeah, but..." said Oliver sadly. "I don't know how I'm going to keep Megan from exposing us. That's the only problem."

Miley's tone changed too. "Yeah...I know" said Miley anxiously.

Two days later, Miley was on her front porch with Oliver greeting Lily and Lisa. It was nice to see Lisa, but Miley didn't want her to stick around for too long, because she, Lily, and Oliver were about to go to a Hannah Montana concert. Oliver had arrived at Miley's house first, and now Lisa had just driven Lily over there. "I'll miss you, my cutie patootie!" flirted Lily exitedly as she rubbed her hands on Lisa's face.

"I'll miss _you_, my pussy wussy!" flirted Lisa as she did the same to Lily. Lily started laughing and hyperventilating at the same time. "Maybe next time we can go swimming!" said Lisa.

"YEEEEEEEP!" Lily exclaimed.

"Yeah, I'll bet you're dying to see me in a bikini!" said Lisa as she left the patio. Lily giggled in a high pitched tone. "Bye, Lily!" said Lisa blowing Lily a kiss. Lily put both her hands on the side of her face as she tilted her head and swooned. Lily blew a kiss right back.

"_So_, Lily! Looks like you had fun with Lisa!" said Miley happily. "Did you kiss her?"

"No, but, remember how I told you over the phone that you made me picture Lisa's feet?" said Lily.

"Yeah, why?" said Miley.

"Well, I got to _rub _her feet!"

"WOOOOOOO!" cheered Miley and Oliver.

"And she also put her arm around me, she sat on my lap, we played patti cake, we bumped our butts, we shared a drink, and..." said Lily as her voice trailed off. "WOO! I'm so flushed I can't even remember everything!"

"WOOOOOOOOOOO!" cheered Miley and Oliver. "Lisa may be straight," said Oliver. "But she's very sweet, and she knows you're a lesbian, so she's trying to give you a little femjoy!"

Miley and Lily suddenly made puzzled expressions and turned to Oliver. _"What?" _said Miley and Lily at the same time.

"Uh...femjoy..." said Oliver nervously. "I...heard it on the internet."

Miley and Lily started making out as Oliver's cell phone rang. He answered it, and sure enough, it was the one person who he knew might ruin his plans. Megan. "Come on, Megan," said Oliver. "I hung out with you yesterday! I'm hanging out with Miley and Lily today!"

Miley parted her kiss from Lily and whispered "Oh, that old devil from hell! Why does she have to call now?"

"I can't believe it," whispered Lily. "She's totally going to expose us."

"You mean she's going to expose _me!" _said Miley.

"Does everything have to be about you?" snapped Lily.

"No, Megan," said Oliver. "You can't come with us! This is really something I can only do with Miley and Lily!" Oliver paused as Megan said something. "What is it, you ask?" said Oliver nervously. "Um..." Oliver moved the phone away from his head and turned to Miley. "What is it?" said Oliver hoping for Miley to suggest a convincing lie.

"Uh, skating! At Funway!" whispered Miley. "Which is our very special thing!"

Oliver hesitated slightly. "You can't skate" Oliver pointed out.

"OH, it's a lie!" whispered Miley. "Just say it!"

Oliver put the phone back up to his head. "Uh, skating! At Funway! Which is our very special thing!" lied Oliver. Oliver paused as Megan spoke to him through the phone. "Uh...yeah..." said Oliver sadly. "Glad you understand." Oliver paused. "Bye, Megan" said Oliver. With that, he hung up his phone.

Miley looked at Oliver with a concerned expression. "Oliver, are you OK?" asked Miley.

"No...I'm not" said Oliver. Oliver paused. "Now not only is Megan suspicious, but I think she's also starting to have hurt feelings. I feel bad."

"I'm sorry, Oliver" said Miley sensitively. Miley gave Oliver a kiss on the cheek.

"Well, look on the bright side," said Lily in a forced, happy voice. "At least you don't hiccup when you lie anymore!" Miley and Oliver looked at Lily as if they were to say "_Really?"_ Lily looked away as if she were to say "I'll be quiet." A few seconds later, they entered Miley's house. Miley and Lily went upstairs to change into their disguises, and Oliver waited for them downstairs. They had planned to drive over to Oliver's house later so Oliver could put on his Mike Stan Lee outfit. Oliver sat down on the couch. He rested his chin on his hand sadly. He sighed.

At that exact moment, Jackson had come downstairs to get a snack. He stopped for a moment and looked at Oliver. "Heh! Whatsamatter' with you?" said Jackson insensitively.

Oliver looked at Jackson. "Since when do you care?" said Oliver.

Jackson scoffed. "Come on!" said Jackson. "Why can't a guy say somethin' to another guy without havin' his motives questioned?"

Oliver thought very briefly. "Because I'm your bratty little sister's boyfriend" said Oliver.

Jackson put on a cocky smile. "Oliver..." said Jackson in a cocky voice. "I happen to know...that you ain't' got no guy friends. You're always hangin' out with girls. I imagine it must be purty' hard not havin' anyone ta' talk about guy stuff with. So I'm askin' you...from one guy to another...what's eatin' ya'?"

"Well, you see," began Oliver. "In addition to Miley, I'm also dating this other girl, who Miley is letting me see, and as you may have heard from Miley, as a member of Hannah Montana's posse, I am secretly Mike Stan Lee III. And this girl...she's onto me." Oliver paused. "She's been stalking and spying on me" said Oliver. "Her suspicion definitely scares me, but it scares Miley even more. I already had one fight with Miley about her, and if this girl finds out that I'm Mike Stan Lee, she'll be one step toward finding out that Miley is Hannah Montana!"

"Aaahhh..." said Jackson surveying the situation. "Skeletons in your closet..." said Jackson walking cocky around the coffee table. "Girls hate that." Jackson paused. "I've lied to girls before," said Jackson. "And every time I do it always blows up in mah' face."

"So..." said Oliver hopefully. "You understand?

"_NO!" _said Jackson with a slight laugh. Oliver's jaw dropped offendedly. "I ain't' no celebrity, I ain't' friends with no celebrity, and I'm obligated to be related to a celebrity!" said Jackson dramatically.

There was a brief pause. "I don't believe you!" said Oliver. "For a minute I thought you actually cared!"

"Couldn't care less" said Jackson. "I only asked you what was wrong 'cuz' I was bored. Your girl problems are between you, your girlfriend, Lily/Lola, and Miley/Hannah. Good day."

As Jackson started to walk out of the room, Oliver yelled "You are the worst-..."

"I SAID GOOD DAY, MIKE STAN LEE!" interrupted Jackson. Then Jackson started mimicking Oliver.

"_Say what?_

_Say what?_

_Say freaky freaky_

_FAT ASS!"_

Jackson left the room and Oliver buried his face in his hands.

That night, Hannah Montana performed at her concert with her twin, young girl backup dancers and Lola Luftnangle. Hannah sang:

"_Why would you rather be_

_Anywhere else with me_

_I tell you man, it's all right here_

_Check out the scenery_

_We won the lottery_

_I tell you man, it's all right here_

_And I can't believe_

_You'd even think_

_Of being any place_

_Any place but right here_

_The grass may be greener_

_In the end I swear_

_But you'll be wishing you were here_

_If you were there_

_It's wherever we go"_

One week later, Oliver was at school, walking through the hall when Megan came up to him. _"Hey Oliver..."_ said Megan in a friendly voice. Oliver turned to Megan. "_Look what I got!"_ Megan whipped out of her coat pocket what looked like two tickets. "Two tickets to a Hannah Montana concert!"

Oliver put on a surprised look. "Wow...that's...amazing!" said Oliver nervously. "So...who are you going with?" asked Oliver sheepishly. Megan put her hands on her hips and looked at Oliver like he was stupid. "Oh...right! Me!" said Oliver. _Help me! _Oliver thought. Oliver was going to go to Hannah's next concert, but he couldn't go as both Mike Stan Lee and Oliver Oaken. He couldn't be in two places at once either (after all, Miley tried that once, and it didn't go so hot).

"Gee, Oliver," said Megan. "I know you love Hannah Montana just as much as I do, but you're not acting very exited!"

"Uh...uh..." stuttered Oliver.

"_Oooohhhh no!" _said Megan sternly. "Don't tell me you can't go! Do you have any idea how much money I spent on these tickets?"

"Uh...well," said Oliver. "I could pay you back..."

"Come on Oliver!" urged Mean. "I've also got two backstage passes that we can use after the concert to actually _meet _Hannah Montana!" said Megan flipping out two backstage passes from her other pocket. "And the rumor on MTV2 is that Mike Stan Lee III will appear on stage!" Oliver clenched his teeth and slanted his eyebrows. "Oh," said Megan skeptically. "So _that's _why you can't go! You can't go with _me,_ because you were _already _planning to go, which you planned months in advance, because _you _are _Mike Stan Lee himself!"_

Oliver tried to stop being so passive. "Megan, when are you going to let that go?" said Oliver angrily. "How many times do I have to tell you? I am _NOT _Mike Stan Lee!"

"Well," said Megan. "If you're not, then you have nothing to hide!" Oliver thought for a moment. Boy, was he in trouble! What was he going to to do now?

Later, Oliver told Miley and Lily about Megan inviting him to the next Hannah Montana concert, but they really didn't know what to do. Yes, they _were _planning on having Mike Stan Lee make his first appearance on stage, but they decided the only thing they could do was call it off. They were also quite scared about Megan having backstage passes. Four days later, Oliver ended up going to the concert with Megan. Hannah had her twin, young girl backup dancers again, but this time without Lola. Hannah sang:

_When I saw you over there_

_I didn't mean to stare_

_But my mind was everywhere_

_I wanna' know you_

_Gonna' guess that you're the kind_

_To say what's on your mind_

_But you listen when I have something to show you_

_There's a mark above your eye_

_You got it in July_

_Fighting for your sister's reputation_

_You remember people's names_

_And Valentines are lame_

_So you bring me flowers just for no occasion_

_Whoa-oh, whoaoh, oh, oh, oh,_

_Whoa-oh, oh, oh, I wanna' know you_

_Whoa-oh, whoa-oh, oh, oh, oh,_

_Whoa-oh, oh, oh, I wanna' go there_

_Where you go_

_I wanna' find out what you know_

_And maybe someday down the road_

_Sit back and say to myself_

_Yeah, I thought so_

In the audience, Megan was screaming so loud next to Oliver. Since in reality, Oliver had had sex with Hannah Montana, Oliver was having a hard time acting starstruck. He did the best he could to cheer Hannah and not be so suspicious. After all, Megan was suspicious enough already. "OH MY GOD!" screamed Megan. "I've never been this close to Hannah before!"

After the concert was over, Megan grabbed Oliver's hand and pulled him in towards the backstage doors. "Come on!" yelled Megan. "Let's go meet Hannah!"

Megan showed the bouncers her two backstage passes and they let them in. Megan and Oliver walked down two empty hallways. "Oh good!" said Megan. "There's no other fans here! We get Hannah all to ourselves!"

"Yeah! That's...so awesome!" said Oliver trying to sound exited.

Suddenly, Hannah and Lola walked out of a dressing room. "OK," said Hannah to Lola. "If we're going to get out of here, just follow my lead."

Unfortunately, it was too late for them to try to make their escape. Megan had spotted them. Megan gasped. "HANNAH MONTANA!" screamed Megan. "AAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHH!"

Megan ran up to Hannah as Hannah formed a frightened expression. _"Sweet niblets!" _panicked Hannah. When Megan reached Hannah, she wrapped her arms around her head and gave her a rough, long, french kiss! Hannah waved her arms as if she were trying to escape.

"OH MY GOD, HANNAH! I LOVE YOU!" screamed Megan. "I like, have a girl crush on you! I love your music! It's so blissful, tender, and fun! And I love the way you live your life!" Megan was hyperventilating as she still had her arms around Hannah.

Meanwhile, from across the hall, Oliver thought, _Gotta' act starstruck, gotta' act starstruck!_ "HANNAH!" screamed Oliver. Oliver then ran up to Hannah and did the same thing Megan did, only with less force. Hannah was about to put her arms around Oliver, but then she thought, _Gotta' play dumb, gotta' play dumb!_ Hannah had the same reaction to Oliver's hug and kiss. "I love you too, Hannah!" said Oliver. "You totally know how to act like a real girl! You touch my heart!"

"AWWWWW!" said Hannah. "I love you both!"

"Not only do you know how to treat guys," said Megan. "But you also know how to perceive girls! You know very well that guys aren't the only ones you can play with! On your reality show, I love the way you interact with-..." Megan stopped as she turned to Lola. "LOLA LUFTNANGLE! AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHH!" screamed Megan. With that, Megan gave Lola the same kiss she gave Hannah. Lola's reaction was different. Lola very willingly locked her arms around Megan and kissed her right back! Lola laughed and hyperventilated at the same time after the kiss parted. "I love you, Lola!" said Megan. "WOW! Are you not used to this kind of treatment?"

"I...I..." said Lola breathlessly.

Hannah patted Megan on the shoulder to get her attention. "She is used to it," said Hannah with a smile. "But she's a lesbian."

"Yeah!" said Megan. "I know! And you're bisexual, Hannah!"

"You got that right, sweet cakes!" said Hannah.

"Uh, Hannah," said Megan a little more calmly. "I just wanted to ask you something."

"Yes, sweetie?" said Hannah.

"AWWWW! You called me 'sweetie'!" swooned Megan. "Anyway, the rumor on MTV2 was that Mike Stan Lee was going to be on stage tonight. Where is he?"

Hannah hesitated. "Um...he's..."

Suddenly, from out of nowhere came _MIKE STAN LEE HIMSELF!_ "Sittin' pritay' in the citay'!" said Mike. Everyone else gasped! Mike came up to them. Hannah examined Mike with a shocked, skeptical expression. "Well, I may not have been on stage," said Mike. "But I sure am here to see _you, _pretty lady!"

Hannah closed in on Mike and whispered "_Jackson?"_

"Shh," whispered Mike/Jackson. "Yeah, it's me. Play along."

"Why there you are, Mike!" said Hannah with bad acting. "I wondered where you were!"

"I was checkin' out the babes on broadway, I got a few didgets, and I'm goin' _dowwwwwn town!"_ said Jackson.

Megan looked at Jackson and Oliver back and forth with her Jaw dropped several times. "I don't believe it..." said Megan. Megan hung her head in shame. "After all that, I'm an idiot" said Megan. "This is so embarrassing..."

"What's wrong Meg-...fan I've never met?" said Hannah.

Megan laughed sheepishly. "You won't believe this, Hannah" said Megan. "I...got this crazy idea...that my boyfriend...was...Mike!"

"Well, it's perfectly normal for every girl in love to think her man looks like me!" said Jackson. With Megan's back turned, Oliver smiled at Jackson and gave him the thumbs up. Hannah and Lola rolled their eyes.

Megan looked at Oliver. "Oliver, I'm sorry," said Megan. "If you want to break up with me, I understand."

"No no no!" said Oliver reassuringly. "Megan, if I wanted to break up with you because of this, I'd've already done it by now." Megan smiled. "But the important part is...I'm not Mike Stan Lee!" said Oliver with bad acting.

Two hours later, Hannah, Lola, Oliver, and Jackson were all in the living room of Miley's house. "Thank you so much, Jackson" said Oliver. "I honestly didn't think you cared about me."

"Heh heh _you?"_ laughed Jackson followed by a smirk. "Oh, that's hilarious! I didn't do it for you!" Oliver's smile turned into a frown. "I did it for Miley" said Jackson. Jackson put his arm around Miley. "When your sister's in trouble, you gotta' help her" said Jackson more assertively. "It doesn't matter if you like her or not."

"Awww!" said Hannah as she hugged Jackson.

"Well," said Oliver half angry. "At least _part _of that was nice moment."

Jackson moved closer to Oliver. "Oliver," said Jackson. "Consider this the returned favor for helpin' me make money off that cheese jerky recipe."

"Awwww!" said Lola.

Oliver smiled and nodded his head in gratitude. "Wow, Jackson," said Oliver in a somewhat mushy voice. "You are the closest thing to a-..."

"OH-KAY! You made your point!" said Hannah stepping in between Oliver and Jackson. "It was nice at first, but after a while, it just makes you both look gay."

The next day, Oliver was in his room talking to Hannah Montana on his cell phone. "So, Hannah," said Oliver. "Are you with anyone right now?"

Hannah was in a penthouse room, sitting naked in a hot tub while talking on her cell phone. "Nope," said Hannah happily. "Lucky for you, I'm _alllll _alone."

"Miley, thanks again for letting me see Megan" said Oliver.

"Oh, your welcome, Ollie pop" said Hannah.

"You know," said Oliver. "The only problem is, if we had a hard time concealing my identity from Megan, how are we going to keep her from finding out I'm dating you?"

"Oliver," said Hannah. "I will lie like a weasel to make sure you keep her, and I'll make sure not to get jiggy with you when she's around. During that time, I guess I'll just do a little touch typing on Lily."

"And when we're in private," said Oliver. "Even _I _can do a little touch typing on her! Three girlfriends! Woo hoo!"

"You see," said Hannah. "Some may call it 'cheating,' but we call it '_expanding!_' Cheating on a lover is a lot easier when there are three of us. Lily and I are totally in on it, a feeling most guys will never know!"

"Yeah," said Oliver. "That's all the more reason why you're the coolest girl ever."

"AWWWWW!" said Hannah. "Well, behind every perfect girl, there's a perfect guy." Oliver sighed blissfully. "In the long run, what Megan doesn't know won't hurt her" said Hannah. "And who knows, if you stay with her long enough, and you get close enough to her, maybe some day we can actually tell her and see if she's interested in a threesome!"

"Hoh!" Oliver exclaimed blissfully. "My cup runathover!" There was a brief pause. "You know," said Oliver. "This game we're playing is so...dirty! So...naughty! In fact, I think it's turning me on right now!" Oliver fondled himself briefly. "Say, Miley..." said Oliver. "What are you wearing right now?"

Hannah laughed. "Oh, just my Hannah wig!"

"Tell me what you would do if I were there!" said Oliver eagerly.

"Only if you tell me what _you _would do!" flirted Hannah.

"OK," said Oliver. "Here are the dirty details..." Hannah listened as Oliver gave her some intimate descriptions. Hannah started masturbating in the hot tub, and pretty soon, she was moaning and groaning!

**The End**

**A/N: Please forgive me if the final outcome of this fanfic was a lot like the outcome of that one episode of "Sonny with a Chance." I did the best I could to translate it into the "Hannah Montana" version. But let me tell you, I'm 29 years old, and I've seen that more than once!**

**Coming soon: Hannah Montana "No Secrets for Evermore" The final story in my Hannah Montana fanfic saga!**


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